In December 2025, I found myself in a conference room in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam, where the local Consular Club (HCMC), handed over cheques worth VND 150 Million each (about C$8,000 each) to 4 local charities. The money had been raised by our small group who organized and coordinated a fundraising event.
Standing there, watching the representatives accept those cheques, I felt something different: an absolute privilege to work with this energetic and committed group over the last two years, and a feeling of making a real difference in the lives of women, children, and vulnerable communities in Vietnam. It was tangible proof that while our professional lives might be paused, our ability to generate value isn’t. Your time translates into visible impact, a quiet but lasting sense of purpose. You experience earned meaning.
We talk a lot about what diplomatic spouses lose, careers put on hold, professional networks left behind, the constant starting over. Those losses are real; being able to work, to pursue my own career, mattered a lot to me. It still does. Working with people facing real hardship recalibrates your internal scale, it provides perspective and gratitude. This doesn’t minimize your struggles but it contextualizes them.
What I’ve found through volunteering doesn’t replace a career, and it shouldn’t have to. But the sense of purpose it brings, the connection to the place where you live, has been revealing for me.
Across posts, spouses are finding their own ways to contribute:
- Support local charities and NGOs:
Many posts have consular clubs or spouse associations that fundraise for local causes. If you have skills in event planning, communications, or finance, they’re useful here. - Seek opportunities at your children’s school :
International schools often have a dynamic PTA (Parent teacher Organisation) that plans International Days and other activities offering our children a unique opening to the world. It is also a “ready to be joined” group of expats that can lead to great connections. - Micro-Volunteering
You don’t need to join a board to make an impact. Simply looking out for a new name on the arrival list and sending a quick “Welcome to the city” message is a high-impact, low-effort action. As one spouse noted, the person who “simply showed up” for a newcomer often matters more than the organized events. - Building your own “village” (Strategic Stability)
If you are in the thick of relocation or culture shock, your most valuable contribution is simply stabilizing your own foundation. By securing your own well-being, you reduce the strain on the network and ensure you are ready to help others later. - Volunteer with CDFN:
Deposit Your Knowledge: The CDFN runs on the shared wisdom of our community. If you have navigated a tricky visa process, found a great remote work hack, or solved a specific school issue, write it down. Submit it to the CDFN. Your experience is a transferable asset that saves time and stress for the next family. The Diplomatic Spouse Survival Kit exists because spouses shared what they wish they’d known. Your experience navigating the relocation rollercoaster might help someone who’s struggling right now. - Stay connected across distance:
The Guide to Nurturing Relationships from Afar reminds us that even when we can’t volunteer locally, staying connected with friends at home, mentoring a spouse at another post, joining virtual communities around a hobby or a topic of interest, brings its own kind of contribution.
Privilege and opportunities
The anthology in Behind the Curtain, one of the books that we reviewed in 2025, captures something true: diplomatic life is both privileged and hard. We deal with career disruption, identity questions, and that strange loneliness of when home stops understanding you. Some may feel emptiness even when their life may be seen as privileged. Charity involvement replaces that with contribution and living impact.
We sometimes live in places where a little effort can go a long way. We may feel powerless when witnessing social challenges in the host country (poverty, illness, inequality). Local charity work meets the need for agency and competence to make a real difference.
My experience is just one example
As Secretary of the Consular Club of Ho Chi Minh City (HCMC), Vietnam, a group of diplomatic spouses based in HCMC, it has been an absolute privilege to work with this energetic and committed group over the last two years. These diplomatic spouses contribute a significant amount of time and effort to bring the community together and organize the Annual International Charity Bazaar to raise funds for local charities.
Our Consular Club (HCMC) handed over cheques to 4 local charities in December 2025: Sơ sinh Việt Nam; Breast Cancer Wigs Library; Ba Chieu Home and Thien Phuc Home. The club also donated around C$8000 to 3 more charities supporting flood victims in Southern Vietnam. We were extremely grateful and deeply thankful to everyone whose support made it possible to raise funds for these charities that are making a real difference in the lives of women, children, and vulnerable communities in Vietnam. The Club plans to support 5 more charities this year with the funds raised.
Of course each journey is unique, some postings are survival mode, and that’s okay. In fact, if you are in survival mode, prioritizing your own stability IS your contribution. By securing our own emotional foundation, we are ensuring the resilience of the network. An invisible but essential contribution.
But if you have the bandwidth, it’s worth considering. It made my posting feel more meaningful.
International Spouse Day: January 26
This year, let’s mark International Spouse Day by thinking about what we can offer, not just what we’ve given up.
Some questions worth asking:
- Is there a local organization at my post that could use support?
- What skills do I have that might benefit my host community?
- How can I create “my village” ie. connect with other spouses sharing similar challenges?
- What have I learned that could help someone newer to this life?
For rotational employees: If your spouse wants to get involved, support them. This work, often invisible, contributes to Canada’s presence abroad in ways that matter. It also allows us to connect with peers sharing our reality rather than only meet with “the employee’s colleagues”. Connecting with booth groups is important, and brings a unique and different perspective.
For all of us: Resilience isn’t just about getting through. It’s about building something. Connections, community, maybe something that lasts beyond our posting.
Connection Matters
Over the past months, the CDFN board has received dozens of messages from spouses across the network. The themes are consistent: thank you for the help, thank you for sharing or listening, thank you for understanding what this life is actually like. Life as a diplomatic spouse can be isolating. Being part of a charity group brings connections – a stronger social identity.
What comes through, again and again, is how much it means to share struggles with people who get it. Not only advice from someone who’s never moved. Not sympathy from a distance. Just the simple relief of being heard by someone who’s been there. And get some tips or lessons’ learned along the way.
That connection, spouse to spouse, post to post, is often what makes the difference between surviving a posting and actually finding your footing.
A Small Thank You
I think often about the diplomatic spouses I’ve met over the years. The ones who ran school supply drives. The ones who taught language classes, and equally, the ones who simply showed up for a newcomer who didn’t know anyone yet. That presence is its own form of currency.
The ones who simply showed up for a newcomer who didn’t know anyone yet.
We don’t appear on any org charts. But we contribute strongly and we should celebrate and encourage sharing what we can achieve together. It can be emotionally demanding, occasionally frustrating and sometimes slow & imperfect. People who stay involved long-term often say: “It doesn’t always make me happy, but it makes me whole.”
Happy International Spouse Day.
- Resources from the CDFN Diplomatic Spouse Survival Kit – Practical advice from experienced spouses
- Behind the Curtain Stories from diplomatic spouses worldwide
- When the Resilience of Spouses Makes All the Difference – Reflection on identity and purpose
- Breaking the Non-Person Shell – On spousal visibility and recognition
- Guide to Nurturing Relationships from Afar – Staying connected across distance
- About the CDFN – Our mission and how to volunteer
Amitabh Arora currently based in Vietnam, has a 28-year international career in business and investment promotion. He lived in Vietnam, India, Switzerland, South Korea and Canada. He works remotely and volunteers with the Consular Club and the Canadian Diplomatic Family Network.
